Pretty

Some days I wish I was pretty. Not drop dead diva gorgeous, because those women have to sit in wardrobe, hair, and make-up for hours and still don't look good enough, so they end up getting photoshopped/airbrushed to look better. I just mean pretty. I realize I'm not ugly, but everyone has those days that they aren't satisfied with what they see when they look in the mirror. I wish I could look into the mirror and see who I was before all the crap I can't remember happened. Or, better yet I want to look into the mirror and remember how I earned each and every laugh line, worry line, stretch mark, scar, etc, etc.  Then I could see the pretty behind the face.
 It sounds really petty to wish that I was pretty. I realize that pretty has a lot to do with attitude. How you treat others tends to change how you are viewed by the world. I know that looks are only skin deep, and that attitude is who you really are. However, I want my inner me to shine through on the outside.

I get compliments all the time. "You look so young!" or "You look like your mom." (That's my favorite compliment, by the way, in case any of you out there want to say something nice to me in the future.) The problem is that I only look as pretty as I feel, to myself anyway. That means that most days I look tired, sad, angry, confused, but not pretty. Not to these eyes that look in the mirror. On really good days I look in the mirror and think, "I really am pretty. I should take a picture of myself looking like this so I can look at it on bad days and remember that." Unfortunately, on bad days, if I look at that picture, I will only think "I wish I could feel that happy again."  I won't see the pretty face, just a joy that's hard to capture on a consistent basis. I just don't feel pretty, so I don't see pretty.

I don't care what I look like to the rest of the world, I just wish I looked pretty to me. Because that would be the reflection of happiness and peace inside looking out. If I could guarentee that is what the rest of the world would bother looking at, I would care about them, too.
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"The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides." ~ Audrey Hepburn

"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” ~ Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger