Little Things

Happiness comes in small packages.

Meeting a new friend and being able to discuss things that have happened in my life, PAST and present, to help them better understand me.

Talking with my grandfather on the phone and knowing who he's talking about when he mentions different people from the church that I grew up in. Both who they are and what they mean/meant to me.

Going through boxes of my personal belongings from the storage unit and remembering when and where I got each item and re-examining the reasons why.

Talking to my kids on the phone and being able to say "Do you remember......?" (and sometimes hearing them say no, and smiling because I remember something they don't which means they couldn't have told me about it. Therefore I remembered it on my own.)

Remembering little things that people are amazed I remember (like the circumstances behind receiving something as normal and every day as a cup with dandelions in it, although that's maybe not so common since I am allergic to dandelions, but still.....)

Tasting something I've eaten before and remembering times when I ate that same thing. (Tastes are something I haven't been able to remember until I actually eat or drink something. I get the impression that's weird or something, but it is ME we're talking about!)

Tasting something I've NEVER eaten before. (Really just experiencing new things. I love new things!! My sense of adventure is at an all time high.)

Just waking up in the morning, because it's the little things that make me happy.

Hard Relationships

Relationships are hard. Obvious statement, I know, but something that has to be rediscovered by someone who has forgotten what a relationship is. Not to mention the fact that, once I started to remember my past, I realized I really sucked at them.  I'm not talking about one particular type of relationship. I'm talking about all relationships. Parent to child, sibling to sibling, friend to friend, man to woman....none are easy, all are worth it.

Learning to deal with people patiently and in a steady manner in a matter of months rather than a lifetime is not easy. Even with my memories back, I feel like there are things I've had to relearn. Such as the ability to relate to people the way others would expect a normal 33 year old divorcee and mother of four to relate. I watch the people around me closely and wonder if I will ever feel like I've at least got myself back up to the standard that is expected, not by other people, but by myself.

A Haunting Past

No matter how much a person tries to live their life, the past will come back to bite them. The more I remember, the more I find I have to regret. Every time something comes up that I need to forgive myself for, I have to deal again with other things that I've remembered and already tried to let go of and move on from.  That's the toughest part about how things have come back to me. I remembered good thing after good thing for the longest time. I asked the people who knew the truth about the bad things to please discuss them with me. It would have been the perfect opportunity to learn the truth, apologize, and move forward for all of us.