Please do not judge too harshly while reading this. I wrote this mostly on Saturday and last week I worked 41.95 hours in 4 days. Blech!! However, I had to post it as it is. Partly because I always swore that's how I'd roll with this blog and because, well going back and re-reading this made me giggle a lot! Enjoy!
A strange thought flew into my head last night while I was at work. Mind you, work is so crazy busy lately, the ability to have an errant thought is an accomplishment in and of itself, but I digress. A friend of mine said, "You really need to come out to Washington and see us" to which my response was "I really want to, I've never been to Washington." (No mother, not DC. I know I've been there. This is about the state of Washington. And who thought it was a good idea to name the nation's capital AND a state after our first president? Did they really not consider how confusing that would be? Or, were they just being jerks about it? Like, the thought process was, "Let's name this place on the opposite side of the nation the same thing as the capital, then sit back and laugh at all the confusion. It will last for decades at the very least. Hahahahahahaha!!!!" No, this is not the thought I had last night.....don't judge me for being easily distracted today. I'm tired.) Then, I found myself thinking, But what if I have?
What if I've already been to all of these places I desperately want to visit and see, and I just don't remember? What if I've been to the Louisiana Bayou, the Statue of Liberty, the Grand Canyon, the Hoover Dam, etc, etc, etc? What if in those 3 1/2 weeks I had the most amazing adventures, and I just don't remember? I haven't been this haunted by these thoughts in a long while. Partly because I've been working 2 jobs and too tired for thoughts to even really exist in any substantial form, and party because, now that I'm down to 1 job again, I have time to build my bucket list, but no money to live it.
It's a horrible catch-22. You either work too hard to enjoy life, but have the money to do so if you desire (not that it worked out that way for me, since I have bills coming out of my ears that will never get paid off at this rate) or you have enough time to do the things you really want to do and live a life outside of the experience books an provide you.
On a side note (yes, I know, another one. I said don't judge), I went to the library this week for the first time in.....well.....I don't know how long and two people at work walked by my desk, saw my library book, and said "I didn't know libraries still existed." Such a sad commentary on society today. Just sayin'!
So I'm seeking help. I need to find inexpensive ways to travel. looking for suggestions. I want to go places I know I've been to try to trigger memories, and go to places I don't think I've been to see if the same happens (and if not, still get a thrilling moment out of it.) I want to start crossing things off my bucket list. Obviously not as fast as I'm adding things to it, but still cross some things off.
No, I'm not dying. Don't be melodramatic. I just want to live ever day remembering that today could easily be my last.
*I actually had to go back and reread everything not in parenthesis multiple times while writing this to remember what I was talking about.