Sunday, April 6, 2014

Meanwhile, Someplace Dark and Dreary.....

I've restarted this post about 20 times. I was just sitting here, chin in hand, staring at the blank screen when I realized that I'm not sure I can do it anymore. I can't deal with the anger of people I don't know that I don't deserve, the bitterness of people I do know that I do deserve, and the love of people I care about that I REALLY don't deserve.

I'm doing it again. I'm putting on my happy face, feeling nothing but fear and unworthiness beneath. It's all come full circle. My anniversary is in 4 days, and I keep realizing I'm only making it through for other people. As I write this down, my brain is screaming "Keep it light you Idiot!! You'll worry people." But I want you all to know, you don't need to worry. I'm not going anywhere. Not for me.......for you.

I'm sure the darkness will ease after April 10. 


  1. I love you. And you can do this--for YOU. God didn't bring you back for others. For us, your coming back was a miracle. But the true miracle was to give YOU a second chance to be the person YOU are meant to be. Only YOU can find who that is. <3 Runt

  2. I was just thinking of you yesterday. Wondering how you are feeling. I'm glad to read that you are still writing about your journey.

    April is a sucky time for me too. It was when my sister died. Those that never met her go about their lives having birthdays and weddings and all sorts of good-happy times. And here we sit being sad, lost, uncomfortable or at the very least not very happy. Trying our best to put on that face that keeps everyone thinking that we are ok right now, just so we can get through this month.

    I think it is just fine to be sad. I think it is just fine to be happy. It's always best just to be.



GROUP HUG!!!! Friends make everything better.

GROUP HUG!!!! Friends make everything better.