I've restarted this post about 20 times. I was just sitting here, chin in hand, staring at the blank screen when I realized that I'm not sure I can do it anymore. I can't deal with the anger of people I don't know that I don't deserve, the bitterness of people I do know that I do deserve, and the love of people I care about that I REALLY don't deserve.
I'm doing it again. I'm putting on my happy face, feeling nothing but fear and unworthiness beneath. It's all come full circle. My anniversary is in 4 days, and I keep realizing I'm only making it through for other people. As I write this down, my brain is screaming "Keep it light you Idiot!! You'll worry people." But I want you all to know, you don't need to worry. I'm not going anywhere. Not for me.......for you.
I'm sure the darkness will ease after April 10.