At age 8, someone stole my self-confidence. He stole my innocence and trust in others, but the worst thing he took was my faith in myself.
At age 18-27, someone stole my sense of self worth. Peeled back painfully layer by layer over the years until I felt like I had nothing left.
At age 32, amnesia took everything else away. My sense of self and what little confidence and self worth I had been able to build back up.
When I lost my memories, I thought things would never be the same. I heard stories about what was taken from me and how, but they weren't my reality anymore. However, the amnesia left me with a whole new set of doubts and worries to contend with. Plus, now I had to deal with all the people spreading lies about me, and how can I refute what I don't know. Now I had to deal with people saying I was only doing this for attention (that I knew was not true, but since refuting those claims only drew more attention, it left me in quite the catch-22.) Now I had to deal with people saying I left for this horrible reason or that horrible reason, again not something I can say is true or untrue as I just don't know.
Then my memories started coming back. Everything that had been taken from me over the years was taken from me again, only now it was reinforced by the cruel words of strangers and painful fears the fugue and amnesia had left me with. Everything I ever was that would have made me a better person, everything I ever had that would have made me strong, everything I ever could have needed to fight against the meanness of small minded people was stolen from me.
Now I'm taking it all back, literally one step at a time.
I am claiming myself for myself. I run not to run away from life, but to run towards a goal of becoming someone I was never allowed the opportunity to be.
I run for me, while I run for a cause, and I am a better person for it. Donate at the link below to help me follow my dream of running a half marathon and friend me on RunKeeper (link below that) to track my progress towards the 13 mile run. Give me a chance to be me again.
https://www.teamaspca.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donate.participant&participantID=3252
http://runkeeper.com/user/ambergerweck/profile
No comments:
Post a Comment