Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Life's Little Problems

I've discovered something most unpleasant about myself.....I'm an avoider. I don't face the problems life throws my way until I feel "ready." Sometimes that means that for days, or even weeks, on end I will bury my head in the sand and pretend that nothing is wrong, nothing is going on. It took seeing that tendency in someone very close to me recently for me to face up to my own issue with it. I nearly corrected them on their avoidance behavior before I realized I do the same thing.

I don't want to be one of those people. I want to face the challenges life hands me head on, with my face set and my mind in "battle mode", ready to face whatever I'm dealt with a calm demeanor. That is what I will strive to do from now on. Even the issues I've been avoiding the last couple of weeks, which will be harder to face for having avoided them, I will deal with in a calm, rational manner no matter what happens. (Well, I'll try anyway, but "calm and rational" take a lot of work for me, so it might not work out as well as I'd like. All I can do is try and hope for the best.)

This is where I run into my favorite part of the amnesia....learning who I am and correcting myself where it's needed. I realize this is something anyone can do, with or without the startlingly life-altering event, but I can truthfully say that I see these things about myself differently than I did before. I would notice them and try to change them before, but they were far more deeply ingrained in me before. I'm still "learning" how to be me, how to be an adult, and these behaviors are much easier to correct now. Also, when I see these things, it tends to be suddenly, and with a crystal clarity that I didn't have before. I don't know if that's because I wasn't much of an introspective person (I thought I was, but I now know I was pretty shallow when it came to how I viewed myself) or because every day I remember something new and these revelations often come with the memories.

I may falter, and I may fail often at the endeavor of bettering my "ostrich" attitude, but I will continue to try no matter how often I bruise myself on the trail to successful change. That's one tendency I don't ever want to give up. My intense tenacity and stubbornness when it comes to improving myself.

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GROUP HUG!!!! Friends make everything better.

GROUP HUG!!!! Friends make everything better.