Sleep is Only a Necessary Evil

Actually slept for a while this afternoon. You'd think that was a good thing, but instead I woke up freaking out from a horrible nightmare. That feeling of being trapped, of being out of control, is bad enough when I'm awake and can put some effort into tamping it down. When I'm unconcious it takes over, it puts me into situations that I would never find myself in.

Today it was waking up on a beach. Beautiful, but unfamiliar. Yesterday it was waking up on the streets of.......who knows where, all the more frightening because, beyond not knowing where I was it was dark, dirty, and crowded with others I knew but didn't know.

Always in these dreams there are faces of people I know, but they are distorted so they are unfamiliar in their familiarity. Always in these dreams I feel like I've been gone forever, but only for a few hours at the same time. It's something I've felt before, and repressing that memory does not stop me from being familiar with it when I experience it again and again.